life is tricky

So here I am. Back to Lisbon.

I have arrived from Denmark 2 weeks ago and I'm still trying to adapt to my new reality. A reality which is actually the one I left before moving to DK. I've learnt that nothing has changed during my absence. I think I was the only one who actually changed a lot - I evolved into someone that doesn't fit here anymore.

But maybe that's just the homesickness talking (I still see Aarhus as 'home'), maybe I have really changed.

What I know is that I've been having a hard time moving on... I still have the songs in my head, I still see my friends in my mind, the smells, the places... nothing left me and I don't want them to leave me.

I live now in this tormented state, feeling fragmented and torn apart between two worlds, neither of which I want to let go.

I'm actually glad I shed a tear or two everytime I listen to 'Kom Tilbage Til Mig' or all the other songs they used to play at Social Club, or when I would dance with Ági and get all sweaty, or remember the amazing time I had with Anita, Alex and Mike at Roskilde Festival - it means that we had something deep and intimate, that I made friends, that I fell in love, that I LIVED.

Now I'm back to an almost catatonic state which I try to disguise, but that I can't hide when I'm all alone.

I know that this dark cloud will go away at some point, but until then I can't avoid to mourn my loss and smile at the memories and the possibilities the future has for me...